Jay Tsai — Forget industrial revolutions. Forget the rise and fall of empires, and forget the wars. Forget the golden ages and technological advancements; the only thing that has remained constant throughout modern history is the age-old debate over Collegiate’s dress code.
Since 1628, the founding of our school, many famous thinkers have gifted the world with their own opinions on Collegiate’s dress code. Through painstaking research, we have uncovered some of these precious voices and will present them for all of Collegiate to see:
One opinion was that of Thomas Hobbes, an English political philosopher best known for his development of “social contract theory.” This theory led to his support of an absolute monarchy. When justifying his idea, Hobbes referred to Collegiate’s implementation of dress code:
“The conclusion of mine that an absolute monarchy is a necessity has been proven time and time again, most notably by Collegiate’s School. In granting the administrators unlimited power to regulate the apparel of the students, while succeeding in producing somewhat capable young men, Collegiate School has demonstrated the effectiveness of an absolute monarchy in respect to education.”
Werner Heisenberg, famous for his contributions to quantum physics, had a drastically different opinion than Hobbes. He notably demonstrated his belief in superposition when discussing Collegiate’s enforcement of dress code:
“Until administrators observe what each student is wearing, every student is simultaneously both adhering and not adhering to the dress code. Therefore, if an administrator catches a student breaking dress code, the student’s doing so is at least partially at the fault of the administrator for observing the student and collapsing their multiple realities into one.”
Frederiche Nietze, a famous German Philosopher, had a slightly more emotional interpretation:
“God is dead. There is no meaning of a dress code. Or of life. But one moment of true happiness, of finally breaking the dress code, and the entire tragic eternity of following the dress code is justified.”
John Stuart Mill inadvertently founded utilitarianism when discussing the morality of Collegiate’s dress code:
“Collegiate should, on the basis of being morally just, strive to create the maximum happiness for the students. Removing the dress code would cause much short-term happiness, and the long-term disadvantage of not consistently wearing formal attire is minimal. Thus it is the obligation of Collegiate School to remove the dress code immediately.”
Finally, sociologists Peter Berger and Thomas Luckman offered their opinions in their book:
“Wearing clothes is a social construct.”
We have to admit that there seems to be an underlying theme. From being deemed a form of “monarchy” to a “tragic eternity,” Collegiate’s dress code would possibly appear to be considered at least partially having the potential to be theoretically…outdated? However, this is clearly an unbiased article that simply relays information. We would never dream of forcing our own opinions on our dear readers.
Never.
We are, however, still unsure about what Luckman and Berger were implying there.
The Dutch Report 